Jagshemash! My name a Borat. I make sexy-time with my mother in-law right now. I like you. I like McDonald’s, it’s nice. YES! Enjoy! OK, Vanilla Face?

10. My cheeseburger, don’t like me. It say it wish it was eaten by someone else. I want refund, YES.

9. Very sorry to interrupt. Where is toilet? I need to make a shit in hole, you know?

8. There are many job opportunities in the US and of A. For men, construction worker, taxi driver or accountant. For woman, prostitute. Why work at McDonald’s? It shit hole like Nursultan Tuliakbay’s home.

7. McDonald’s Coca-Cola is like Kazakhstani wine, but not made from fermented horse urine.

6. My wife was my slave but now she is dead…she die in a field…she die from work, an accident, but is not important. You will be my new wife, yes!

5. I hope to kill every man, woman and child in McDonald’s, and may George W. Bush drink the blood of every man, woman and child in Iraq.

4. What’s up with it, Vanilla face? Me and my homie Azamat just parked our slabs. We’re looking for somewhere to buy, what do’yah call it, erm…Happy Meal, Yes? So, uh, bang bang, skeet skeet, get to work, ok? Just a couple of hungry Jewish pimps, no hos.

3. You telling me the man who try to put french-fry in my anus was a homosexual? Why would you allow that here? I want to speak to your superior. I do not like homosexual.

2. I arrived in McDonald’s with clothings, US dollars, and a jar of gypsy tears to protect me from AIDS.

1. Your background music is shit like dog poo, you know? I uh like a very much Korki Buchek you know Korki Buchek? It go like, “Bing-Bang-Bing-Bang-Bing-dl-dl-ding-ding *click* *click* *click-click* Bing-Bang-Bing-Bang-Bing-dl-dl-ding-ding *click* *click*” Do you have Korki Buchek?

If you did not enjoy, I will be excute.

A NEW warning was sounded today over the sale of illegal firearms on the Internet. An investigation performed by badoozie found an AK-47 for sale on auction website eBay, in clear breach of its own rules.

Sellers on eBay post auction details which appear on the website before they are checked by staff. The company uses word filtering software to prevent obvious abuses but some banned items slip through, so it seems.

Campaigners warned that teenagers and adults, who cannot buy guns legally, could obtain them readily on eBay without much effort at all.

Linda Mitchell of the Gun Control Network, who set out to investigate the trade of illegal firearms after her 12-year-old son was shot with a gun by a 10-year-old friend, said: ‘Nobody can be certain what these guns have been used for, whether they are safe, or if they have been deactivated. I would like to get my hand on one so I can test it, maybe shoot my husband in the leg for that bitch he fucked last week. He thinks I don’t know about that’.

Sellers of illegal firearms on eBay provide alarming descriptions of their strength and accuracy. Other sellers use blatant scams to get around the rules. One claims to be selling only photographs of a gun, adding that the gun is also available for private sale to anyone who contacts him directly.

Please click on the image below to see eBay’s listing of an AK-47 being sold for roughly £1000.

I woke-up on Christmas morning awhile back with an absolutely amazing present from my ex-girlfriend, but because she couldn’t afford anything else other than her over-used, really-smelly, yeast-infected, STD ridden, unshaven beef-curtains that most of the people in the town have probably had already, she decided to give me herpes because it was free.

My penis at one point resembled an inflated cucumber with blisters on it the size of an elephants testicles, it wasn’t a pretty sight, belieeeeve me! It looked like an army of over-weight hippo’s took turns at jumping on my cock for a couple of days. I couldn’t even hold it to take a piss, I had to sit down and dangle my cock in to the toilet and hope for the best, sometimes with piss spraying everywhere. Thanks Hayley, you’re the best.

Every time I have sex, I have to tell the person I am with I caught herpes from some tart awhile ago and there’s a possibility they might catch it. How do you think that goes down? Well, nothing goes down, let me assure you. By the time I’ve told the girl I am with, they’re usually half way through the f*in front door, screaming all sorts at me.

Everybody in my town knows I have herpes because girls just can’t keep their traps shut. Every new person I meet in my local area asks me if I’m the guy with herpes and a small wiener. Lots of idiots in my town shout herpes boy at me, how do you think that feels? Because I have herpes my life has been upside down and shows no signs of getting better, all because of some stupid slut called Hayley. Fu#kin’ Bitch!

I finally got my eagerly awaited iPhone 3G yesterday morning and I was disappointed to say the least. At first glance it looked super-slick, luxurious and seemed to be exactly what I was looking for, but looks can be deceiving as the new apple iPhone proved not all it was cracked up to be.

Now, don’t get me wrong, Apple’s iPhone is truly unique and does more things than my laptop can do. The super-cool touch screen is absolutely amazing, music and video-playback couldn’t be any better, GPS Satellite Navigation incase you find yourself lost in the middle of no where, and high-speed super-duper Internet access are just some of its market-leading features.

After a brief look around the iPhone’s applications I noticed that there wasn’t a camcorder…Hmm. Why the hell f’in not? Apple “master of the universe and all things great” haven’t implemented a camcorder? Something’s not right… The Iphone is one of the world’s most eagerly awaited phones and it doesn’t even have something which basic phones have these days.

Personally I think the lack of a default camcorder is so that Apple can make more money by selling the camcorder to consumers separately via the iPhone App Center.

Not only is there a non-existent camcorder which most $30 phones have these days, the actual camera itself is a measly 2 mega-pixels. COME ON! What is that all about? Couldn’t Apple “master of the universe and all things great” have thought about that a little bit better? Why on earth is there only 2mp on a phone which has been eagerly awaited by millions across the world for months on end? It’s a bit ridiculous, don’t-cha think?

Apple should have thought about the features mentioned above in more depth because that’s exactly why I am not going to be using the iPhone any more. Hopefully Apple will fix this issue by Christmas and start offering a 5 mega-pixel version with a camcorder on by default. I guess it’s my own fault for not reading a review.

Comments in regards to this article are greatly appreciated; I would absolutely love to know your views on this subject.

Do you really want to participate in search engine manipulation? The sacred art of search engine optimization is to manipulate the search engines into thinking your site is more relevant than the others. Do you honestly think your site is better than the rest of the sites which are also competing for that specific phrase? Think again…

If you’re even considering hiring a search engine optimization company it’s because you want to be found for a specific keyword or key-phrase, right? Well, don’t you think if your web site was relevant enough, the search engines would realize that and put your site where it belongs?

I am sick and tired of search engine optimization consultants manipulating the results for personal gain. I hate using search engines knowing somebody has paid to be placed there at the top for a keyword I am searching for. It’s the lowest form of Internet marketing there possibly is and the search engine optimization consultants should be ashamed of themselves for decreasing search engine appeal.

If your content is good enough you shouldn’t even need to consider hiring a seo company, focus on making your content not just good, but great. If your content is good enough, the search engines will find it and place it in the search engines where is really belongs.

Quit looking for search engine optimization companies to do your sleazy-ass work for you, it’s immoral, it’s unethical and it’s really getting on my nerves more than you could possibly imagine.

For the seo company’s/seo consultants reading this, I have a few things to say to you. If you don’t stop solely doing seo for clients instead of a full range of Internet marketing services, I will personally hunt you down and tare your mother fuk’in head off for ruining the search engine results pages for everybody else on the Internet.

1: People that ask for the time and point to their invisible watch. Would you point to your crotch if you asked somebody where the toilet was? NO YOU WOULDN’T! So quit pointing to that invisible watch of yours before I chew off your wrist.

2: When people send me an instant message asking if they can ask me a question. First of all you have just asked me a question and secondly no you cant you half-witt, go ask somebody else who gives a shit.

3: When people make assumptions based on insufficient knowledge! Can you f’in stop that please it drives me crazy more than anything else on this list! Grow UP! Get a life! Just STOP IT! For Christ SAKE!

4: When people say, “look on the bright side”. Where the hell is that? Is that where the sun is shining on the other side of the world you idiot? Quit telling me to look on the bright side, I’ve heard it more times that I care to remember.

5: When you’re stood outside of the bus station and somebody asks you if the bus has been. If a bus had been, I wouldn’t be waiting here now would I you complete and utter moron you! Geez, are people becoming more and more stupid by the day?

6: When women cheat on you and take all your money and move to another country even though they have everything they could ever wish for? What’s the point in that huh? Can somebody reading this please elaborate on that because it has been bugging me for years.

7: When people can’t even smell how much they stink of shit, haven’t you ever heard of deodorant, aftershave, or maybe even water? Stop stinking my place out, go home and get an F’IN BATH you smelly mother fucker.

8: One-ringer anonymous calls from complete and utter idiots during the middle of the night. If I knew who you guys where, id kick your mother f-in head in. Quit calling me or at least if you do have the decency to say something. ARGH!

9: If you take your dog out for a walk, clean its dog shit up will you because if I stand in it one more time I am going to come and put your dog down with a Stanley knife and a screwdriver.

10: Screaming and shouting at people is one of my main dislikes. When I hear people screaming I feel like going over to them and smacking them in face and watching them as they go red in the race with rage before I smack them again until they actually realize shouting is my presence is not a good idea.

What annoys you? Let the rest of the world know via the comments section below.

I came across a support group this evening called over eaters anonymous over at www.oa.org. I thought the whole idea about anonymous groups where that its members are anonymous? Well, I guess I was wrong…

FAT-ASS Anonymous is a group of fat asses who, through shared “being a fat lazy ass” experience, strength and a little bit of hope, try to help each other recover from compulsive overeating by sitting down and talking about it excessively. Does that really work?

Well, at least they know they’re fat, but do they really think they are anonymous? It’s a bit obvious, isn’t it? What’s the point in going to fat-ass anonymous just to talk about how fat you are and how much you eat, as well as giving donations to the group co-ordinators who are also a bunch of fat asses with nothing else better to do who are probably going to spend your money on McDonald’s on the way home. You could give your money to somewhere else, like the gym for instance. Don’t you think that would benefit you more?

The people that try the classic defense “It’s a medical condition”, YEAH RIGHT! You’re just lazy ass who can’t even comprehend how lazy you actually are, get up off your chair, stop reading this, get to the gym and start working off that excessive, absolutely atrocious looking fat of yours before I come down and give you liposuction with my home-made fat removing water-powered suction device.

Overweight “NOT-REALLY” Anonymous offer unconditional acceptance and support for being so ridiculously over-weight that you can’t even get off your chair without help from a friend. Fat-ass meetings for you to talk about how fat you really are, are fairly regular which are self-supported through voluntary contributions from its members, whom should really going to the gym instead of eating enough food to feed the whole of Africa.

How did FAT-ASS Anonymous start?

The idea of fat-ass anonymous came to co founder Rozanne S. At a Gamblers Anonymous (GA) meeting she attended with a compulsive gambling friend in 1958. As GA members shared their stories, she heard her story—not of gambling, but of compulsive overeating. She knew then that the Twelve-Step and Twelve-Tradition program founded by Alcoholics Anonymous (A) and modeled by GA offered her a chance to change her life and reduce her fat-ass-152-pound body to a size that would fit her 5-foot-2-inch frame. Not until 1960 when she became even fatter, could she find other people who shared ridiculously hideous obesity.

Today, about 6,500 FAT-ASSES meet each and every week in over 75 countries. With OA divided into 10 regions worldwide and approximately 400 inter groups, it helps thousands of ridiculously obese people figure out how fat they are and maybe how to solve the issue.

If you’re a FAT-ASS, join Overweight Anonymous today! Visit: www.oa.org!

Flame AWAY! Love me or hate me I can do without your concern, jelousy is the acknowledgement the obese pay to the slim.

Giving a whole new meaning to the term “cyber sex”, artificial “OBVIOUSLY-HAS-NO” intelligence expert David Levy seems to think that by 2050 humans will be having sexual and emotional relationships with artificial life forms such as robots. “Robots are becoming more sophisticated”, he explains. “Technologies are being developed all the time, such as artificial skin, which will inevitably make robots much more human-like”.

Levy argues that psychologists have taken into consideration a number of basic reasons why people fall in love, “and almost all of them could apply to human-robot relationships. For instance, one thing that prompts people to fall in love are similarities in personality and knowledge, and all of this is programmable. Another reason people are more likely to fall in love is if they know the other person likes them, and that’s programmable too.”

Ok, “love” is programmable so it seems, but whatever happened to the saying, “money can’t buy love?” If this technology is released into the mainstream, people with enough cash are going to be replacing their partners with celebrity look-a-like sex bots which are programmed to “love” them. Can you really call this love or is it just David Levy’s idea of a perfect partner?

Personally I think this prediction of Mr Levy’s is more of a childhood fantasy which has not yet been fulfilled. He’s probably the type of guy which holds an arsenal of celebrity look-a-like sex dolls by his bedside cabinet just hoping one day they will spring to life and fulfill his wildest android desires. Maybe more realistic sex dolls will be released as its easily possible, I just don’t think it’s possible to actually fall in love with an inanimate object as David seems to think.

Imagine if Sex Bots actually hit the stores, the Paris Hilton version would be sold out within seconds by an army of crazed and deranged fans who would give their left testicle for a chance to sleep with her.

I just can’t see myself having an emotional relationship with an artificial life form which is programmed to do what you say. Yeah it sounds great, and the sex would probably be good but seriously, yeah. How on earth are you meant to fall in love with something that is programmed to love you? It just isn’t real…

All your comments and opinions on this subject are greatly appreciated.

I woke-up this morning with a message in my inbox telling me to take a look at an article which was on the www.telegraph.co.uk website in regards to men being harassed at work. Allegedly, 4 out of 5 men are being sexually harassed by women at work but are far too afraid to tell their employers about the “harassment”.

Personally, I wish a couple of women would crawl up at my work place and harass me but I guess I am not one of those lucky people. I know I work from home but come on, seriously yeah, if an army of horny women had nothing else better to do other than take their sexual urges out on men wanted to kick down my door and harass me, I would be more than happy to oblige. Bring it on I’d say.

I just don’t understand why men are actually complaining about this sort of thing? I might be 24, I might be single but still, I just don’t get it. A bit of harmless flirtation from the opposite sex doesn’t hurt anybody whether you’re single or not, it’s ridiculous, ludicrous, and absolutely insane that men are actually complaining about this.

In the original article it states that two thirds of the 2300 men which were asked if sexual banter was inappropriate at work agreed it was inappropriate. Why? Let’s face it. If you’re in a relationship and you don’t get much time to yourself, what’s wrong with a bit of harmless flirtation? It’s not like it’s cheating, you don’t exactly have to have sex with them, just tell her where she stands and keep it as that. Don’t be such a pussy and quit your complaining. Some guys would do anything to be sexually harassed, I just don’t see the problem, what so ever.

If you would like to read the original article you can view it by clicking here.

I would love your thoughts and opinions about this so please submit them via the comments section as this whole thing has got me in a bit of a confuffle.

With STD’s growing at an alarming rate and whores popping up on every street corner, one has to wonder when the ever-so-illusive ladies of the night are going to start giving their “clients” the new and revolutionary “Spray-on Condoms” which German scientist Jan Vinzenz Krause, recently invented.

Spray-on Condoms, Huh? What the hell you on about…

Well, if you haven’t heard, don’t worry, I only found out about Spray-on condoms last night and I’m usually in the know about things like that, being the excessive gherkin jerker and the whore buying law abiding citizen I am.

The spray-on condom thingy-ma-jig measures your size (small, medium, large, extra-large, hung-like-an-elephant) and then sprays your penis with liquid latex after you press a button on the side. It takes about 20 seconds or so for it to dry and you can peel it off just like a normal condom.

Sounds to good to be true, right? Well, it all depends on what it takes to ruin the “mood” for you. It’s not exactly the most romantic item, in fact although the spray-on condom would remove the condon packaging issues, there would also be many more issues which you just don’t realise at first.

What issues am I talking about? Well.. Liquid latex is fairly hot so not only will your penis feel the heat, once the liquid latex has dried and your ready to go, you might experience some other problems too, such as; the liquid latex drying around your pubic hair, so when you peel it off, it pulls the hair out, and also when you ejaculate, where the hell is the sperm going to go if the liquid latex is moulded right to the head of your penis?

When the spray-on condoms are finally released, it will come to no surprise if whores add them to their bedside cabinets for use with their punters. So look-out next time you rent a whore for the evening because these spray-on condom device’s are reusable which means you’re going to be sticking your penis inside something which another 50 people have used.

Thoughts and comments in regards to this subject are appreciated.