Badoozie

I woke-up on Christmas morning awhile back with an absolutely amazing present from my ex-girlfriend, but because she couldn’t afford anything else other than her over-used, really-smelly, yeast-infected, STD ridden, unshaven beef-curtains that most of the people in the town have probably had already, she decided to give me herpes because it was free.

My penis at one point resembled an inflated cucumber with blisters on it the size of an elephants testicles, it wasn’t a pretty sight, belieeeeve me! It looked like an army of over-weight hippo’s took turns at jumping on my cock for a couple of days. I couldn’t even hold it to take a piss, I had to sit down and dangle my cock in to the toilet and hope for the best, sometimes with piss spraying everywhere. Thanks Hayley, you’re the best.

Every time I have sex, I have to tell the person I am with I caught herpes from some tart awhile ago and there’s a possibility they might catch it. How do you think that goes down? Well, nothing goes down, let me assure you. By the time I’ve told the girl I am with, they’re usually half way through the f*in front door, screaming all sorts at me.

Everybody in my town knows I have herpes because girls just can’t keep their traps shut. Every new person I meet in my local area asks me if I’m the guy with herpes and a small wiener. Lots of idiots in my town shout herpes boy at me, how do you think that feels? Because I have herpes my life has been upside down and shows no signs of getting better, all because of some stupid slut called Hayley. Fu#kin’ Bitch!