Badoozie

Apart from the obvious issues regarding the men’s room such as; shit everywhere, piss everywhere, general untidiness and graffiti, no running water, lack of toilet paper, and the ridiculously hideous stench which you can smell at least half a mile from the vicinity, the men’s room appears to attract some of society’s weirdest people.

With the amount of overwhelmingly weird people that use the men’s room on a day to day basis, it comes to no surprise that some people are far too scared to use them. Over the last decade or so, I have come across plenty of weird people in the men’s room that have had me startled, to say the least.

As you can see below, I have documented the types of weird people I have come across over the past couple of years, for you to enjoy and be amazed:

The Really-Desperate-About-To-Burst Type: Running through the door faster than a cheetah on speed, unbuttoning their trousers like they’re about to burst. These sorts of men hold their piss in for as long as possible because they think they are in full control of mother nature, when obviously they are not.

The Just-Because-My-Friends-Are-Doing-It Type: They enter the men’s room with their friends because their friends need to take a piss, and so they automatically assume they do/can too. They stand there with all expectations of being able to piss but nothing comes out, even though they so try foolishly hard.

The Hope-You-Don’t-See-It Timid Type: Some men are just far too embarrassed to piss in front other men, either because they have a ridiculously small penis that resembles a chipolata, or because they really just don’t feel comfortable with another man standing next to them while they take a piss. These sorts of men will check all the cubicles first to see if they are empty, if they’re not empty they will either wait for a cubicle to be free or try and stand in the corner so nobody can see.

The Got-No-Respect-For-Other-People Type: You get a few odd people coming into the men’s room that obviously have no respect for others. They come in, notice all the cubicles are full, notice there is no space left to stand up, they walk over to the sink, unbutton their trousers and begin to piss in the sink without a care in the world.

The Let’s-Stare-At-Your-Cock Pervert Type: They stand there staring at your cock like they haven’t seen one before; not only looking at yours, but at everybody else’s as well, making it their utmost priorities to get a good look to see if you have something different than they have.

The Too-Pissed-And-Can’t-Even-See-Properly Type: They come in without a care in the world, swaying side to side as they bump into everybody on their route, some of them grab-a-hold of their thumb thinking it’s their cock while pissing themselves, while others end up slipping and landing head first in the urinals taking a mouth full of piss.

The Smartass-That-Doesn’t-Need-To-Hold-It Type: The smart ass’s think they can piss without holding their cocks, they need to get a grip, literally! You see them all the time, they come in, unbutton their trousers, get their cock out, and without holding it they just let it go like it’s a hands free kit that doesn’t need holding thinking they are king of the men’s room while piss is going everywhere.

The Let’s-Lurk-Around-The-Toilet Type: Standing around the men’s room with nothing else better to do, these types of men hang around toilets in groups, chatting about nothing and talking with everyone who walks in, simply just too waste time as they have nothing else better to do. Sometimes you see them sat by the sinks, sometimes you will see them sat on the floor, wherever you see them, they clutter up the men’s room like garbage on the streets.

The Got-Nowhere-Else-To-Take-Drugs Type: With nowhere else to go, the druggies enter the men’s room looking for a hideaway so they can take their drugs without being noticed by the rent-a-cop security guards that are constantly on patrol. You hear them sniffing and coughing, choking and laughing, unnoticed they think they go, but indeed they are not.

The Overweight-And-Can’t-Even-Find-It Type: Being overweight has problems of its own other than not being able to find your penis when you’re about to take a piss. Some of them take that long to find it so they end up pissing in their shoes, while others do strange manoeuvres that will make you laugh hysterically.

The Childish-With-Nothing-Else-Better-To-Do Type: There are many childish and immature men that use the men’s room in bars and clubs throughout the world. Some of them come in and push you against the urinal so you piss yourself, while others have competitions with their friends to see who can piss the highest.

The Let’s-Talk-To-Everybody-In-The-Men’s-Room Type: Talking while pissing is not something that I am fond of. When I use the men’s room I don’t want someone next to me giving me their life story about how his girlfriend just left him for his best friend, who also just happens to be her brother.

The Let’s-Aim-At-Something-In-The-Urinals Type: Always looking for something to aim at, these specific types of men will make it their utmost priorities to move something that somebody has through in the urinals. With nothing else better to do you will see them forcing their piss out like a women that is about to give birth, just so they can move the object they’re aiming at.

The Let’s-Pass-The-Blame-On Type: The blamers are the ones which come out of a cubicle and blame the person that went in there before them for whatever they have done in there, such as; pissed all over the toilet paper, vomited everywhere, shit on the seat, or some you even get rubbing used toilet paper up against the walls to make pretty patterns that they think are “cool”.

The Let’s-Have-Sex-In-The-Cubicles Type: If you’re in a cubicle of a busy club, there is about a 60% chance that you will hear somebody having sex in the cubicle next to you. They bang away until one of them as finished, and go their separate ways as the leave the cubicle.

The We-Haven’t-Got-Nothing-Else-Better-To-Do Types: Walking into the men’s room with nothing else better to do, you see them all the time cluttering up the men’s room as they walk in and out just to have a look around to see if they are missing anything which isn’t happening outside.

It is true that there are many, many weird people that use the men’s room day-to-day, if you know of any other “types”, please let me know via the comments section below.