Badoozie

If you’re reading this, I presume you are either a comic book geek like me or just out for a chuckle. Either way, these tactics are a sure fire way of earning the respect of your neighborhood or a coveted spot on the Jerry Springer show.

Every good superhero has their own logo that people know them by, such as superman’s “S”. Incorporate this in your costume, a good idea is to make business card style cardboard cut outs, each act of good will you carry out, leave one of them behind as your trail. Over time, people will begin to recognize these and link them to your “super work”.

Now comes the costume, every good superhero has one. It doesn’t have to be a plastic-ab-carved type body armor, this could be a guise made up of mismatched clothes, a jump suit with some lettering sprayed on with a stencil, remember whatever costumer you decide on this is going to be what people know you by so be sure to theme it with your line of work.

Looking at yourself in the mirror, you’re already half way there. The costume is one thing but the “powers” your going to master are what will make you stand out from the back of the “super wannabe pile”.

Think of what type of work you’re going to carry out in order to reach supreme status in your community. Things that either tick people off or make slugging through a 9-5 a living hell, will be your fuel. Thinks of things that annoy you and what could be done to prevent them, or make them more bearable. I can’t think of this for you, but a close “super friend” of mine leaves change atop of a petrol stand, in case people go over by a couple cents/pence. It really is that simple. Friendly gestures are the key, the more the better!

With a new costume, your own logo and also some finely honed “super powers”, next in line is an attractive stalker, just like Superman’s “Lois lane”, and Spiderman’s, “Mary Jane”. No super-hero would be fully equipped to take on the role of being an everyday super-hero without having somebody who stalks them. Put an ad out in your local paper or in the classifieds section on the internet somewhere which states, “Super-hero looking for stalker, must be attractive and willing to stalk”. I can bet you a sealed batman original comic, you’ll have a dozen responses within the first week, after all who wouldn’t want to stalk a real life superhero?

Now that you’ve got the gist of things, another basic need of any respectable SH is a headquarters. Somewhere that he/she can retreat to when needing to lie low from their sworn enemies (we’ll touch on this later on). This sanctuary needs to be hidden from the general public and most of all a secret to all except you. A few places that will be ideal HQ’s could be an abandoned building that you can get access to or even just a tucked away backstreet, with enough space to get in / out of your costume without fear of being watched.

Okay, so now you should be well on your way to becoming a true real life super hero. Remember, on your path to ultimate super-geek-supremacy you will meet you arch nemesis and sworn enemy, now this could be the person / company / group / object / area / law / … anything that is the cause of the problems you set out to stop.

So I wish you good luck in your journey and I hope I don’t see your ass on TV when I’m catching up on daily daytime dose of reality bullshit.